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Hi!

Please use this thread to post feedback and report any typos or errors in Chapter 1 of the new Beta PDF (dated Feb 17) of the Adventure Book for Dragonbane. Guidelines to remember:

• Before reporting an error, please check and see if it already has been reported, and if so, don't report it again.
• If you feedbacked on something in a previous Beta but it's not changed in the new Beta, it's not because we missed it - it's because we made a different assessment. (Typos are a different thing.)

Please report your feedback no later than February 28.
Thank you!

The Black Knight. On a distant hilltop, the player characters see a knight in black on a huge, black horse, like a dark silhouette against the night sky. The knight rears his steed and vanishes. This is Sathmog’s herald, but the player characters cannot stop him now.

I may have missed it, but i searched and searched, and i found nothing about Sathmog's herald in any part of the book. Who is he? What role do he play? And what is likely the question on everyone's minds, can we fight him?

p. 10, second column, first paragraph, second sentence: "With Um-Durman in their possession can the player characters reach the Isle of Mist in the north and finally confront Azrahel Koth."

This reads like a question ("can the player characters reach the Isle?") but doesn't have a question mark. If it's supposed to be a statement, "can the player characters" should probably be changed to "the player characters can": "With Um-Durman in their possession the player characters can reach the Isle of Mist in the north and finally confront Azrahel Koth."

The Black Knight. On a distant hilltop, the player characters see a knight in black on a huge, black horse, like a dark silhouette against the night sky. The knight rears his steed and vanishes. This is Sathmog’s herald, but the player characters cannot stop him now.

I may have missed it, but i searched and searched, and i found nothing about Sathmog's herald in any part of the book. Who is he? What role do he play? And what is likely the question on everyone's minds, can we fight him?

I think Sathmog's herald is Azrahel Koth, per p. 6 ("With Azrahel Koth as his herald, Sathmog proclaimed a demonic realm in the world of humans…", emphasis added) and later references on pp. 102 and 114. If that's the case, it might be better to explicitly say, "This is Azrahel Koth, Sathmog's herald, but the player characters cannot stop him now." If the black knight is not Azrahel Koth, then I've no idea who the herald is supposed to be either.

The Black Knight. On a distant hilltop, the player characters see a knight in black on a huge, black horse, like a dark silhouette against the night sky. The knight rears his steed and vanishes. This is Sathmog’s herald, but the player characters cannot stop him now.

I may have missed it, but i searched and searched, and i found nothing about Sathmog's herald in any part of the book. Who is he? What role do he play? And what is likely the question on everyone's minds, can we fight him?

I think Sathmog's herald is Azrahel Koth, per p. 6 ("With Azrahel Koth as his herald, Sathmog proclaimed a demonic realm in the world of humans…", emphasis added) and later references on pp. 102 and 114. If that's the case, it might be better to explicitly say, "This is Azrahel Koth, Sathmog's herald, but the player characters cannot stop him now." If the black knight is not Azrahel Koth, then I've no idea who the herald is supposed to be either.

I'm pretty sure Azrahel is trapped on the isle of mist.

Yupp, it's not Azrahel, he needs Um-Durman in order to escape the Isle of Mists.
One assumption i have is that the Herald is a character who is meant to play a role in another adventure (the ending of the Isle of Mist ends on a cliffhanger, and IF i remember right there was talk that they where going to do a proper campaign book). So if he dosn't have a major role in this adventure, perhaps that could be clarified? Because while it says "The players can not stop him now", the implication is that it can be done later in the adventure. So perhaps instead it could say "This is Sathmog’s herald, but the player characters cannot stop him now, as he will not involve himself with the Demon Cultist's plans, or directly oppose the players. Play the encounter off as if it was an unsettling vision or an unnatural phenomenon."

Page 3 'But getting down into the valley is a hazardous enterprise that requires skilled pathfinders and brave swordsmen. The dangers are many and the paths treacherous."
How did Outskirt come to be if farmers cannot get there? Page 7 "but settlers with pickaxes and ox-drawn carts were also attracted to the legendary site."
This is just a comment that you should consider saying on Page 3 "That while the old roads are hazardous and treacherous, in recent years the Drakmar Pass into the southern region has been opened up allowing travel once more." or something like that.

Page 3 'Its was named the Misty Vale" - typo 'It'

Page 6 - first mention of the "Immaculate Flame" without context ... Here it says they "worship the Immaculate Flame". Under the section on The Keepers it states that they "worship the dragon emperor Eledain" - so one can infer that Eledain is the Immaculate Flame - though I cannot find anything that explicitly states what the Immaculate Flame is. Maybe under the Eledain's Empire section add "Eledain (The Immaculate Flame) founded ..." Unless of course the Immaculate Flame is just the 'principle of the cleansing fire' in which case you could add "Eledain (Master of The Immaculate Flame) founded ..."

Page 8 - "orchs and goblins"

Page 10 - "starstones" = star stones. Hmm also used on page 67 - perhaps this is intentional?

Page 7, The Demon Cultists. The last sentence describes the mark of Sathmog and in parentheses states "see the illustration on page XX" The illustration is on the same page as this text. I'd suggest deleting this parenthetical reference and simply labeling the illustration as "Mark of Sathmog".