Sat 09 Mar 2024, 01:08
On page 5, in the Mankind's Oldest Highways vignette, there should be a comma after "what". Otherwise, it reads as "when I asked what he said" (i.e. what did you say?). That's not what the narrator is asking. She's asking what he means by "it".
Current:
He just stammered and said, "you got it” and when I asked what he said, "the 1000-yard stare,” and went into his tent.
Should be:
He just stammered and said, "you got it" and when I asked what, he said, "the 1000-yard stare," and went into his tent.
OR:
He just stammered and said, "you got it." When I asked what "it" was, he said, "the 1000-yard stare", and went into his tent.
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