Dan Someone
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Re: Early Access Feedback - Core Rulebook Chapter 5

Fri 17 Jun 2022, 02:26

Page 120, first paragraph of "Sector 2" description:

"wrap sheet" should be "rap sheet."

Second paragraph, reference to "Section 1" should be "Sector 1."

Several references to "Sector 1" that should be "Sector 2":
"...Sector 1 is steadily becoming gang turf..."
"Academia also thrives in Sector 1..."
 
Dan Someone
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Re: Early Access Feedback - Core Rulebook Chapter 5

Fri 17 Jun 2022, 02:41

Page 127, in "Off-World: Off-Limits":

The name "Shimago-Domingeuz" in the second paragraph should be "Shimago-Dominguez."


Third paragraph, "The rigors of space travel and the cryogenic process is a physically demanding experience..."
Should be "are physically demanding experiences..."
 
CitizenZero
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Re: Early Access Feedback - Core Rulebook Chapter 5

Fri 17 Jun 2022, 09:44

Page 101 --

In the Politics section it says: "Empathizers are experts at pouring salt onto angry wounds"

Don't think you mean Empathizers, which I would understand to mean people who show empathy, and that type of person wouldn't pour salt into wounds. Maybe I'm misunderstanding the context, and so if Empathizers is the right word, it's not clear, at least at first glance, what you are tying to convey.
 
gregory
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Re: Early Access Feedback - Core Rulebook Chapter 5

Fri 17 Jun 2022, 21:25

Not an error per se, but on page 117 your use of the word "homeless" could potentially be of minor concern. While this is still by far the most common term for those without homes, it might be worth noting that in the past few years public sentiment has been shifting toward using "houseless" or "unhoused" in order to step away from what is increasingly seen as a pejorative term. While I'm sure some would dismiss this as a "PC culture" move, doing so may future-proof the book better by switching to one of these more forward-thinking terms. To many, using "homeless" is more or less equivalent to using the term "bum" or "hobo" to derisively describe a disadvantaged person. Language could always shift once again down the line, but something to consider.
 
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Vader
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Re: Early Access Feedback - Core Rulebook Chapter 5

Fri 17 Jun 2022, 22:17

While this is still by far the most common term for those without homes, it might be worth noting that in the past few years public sentiment has been shifting toward using "houseless" or "unhoused" in order to step away from what is increasingly seen as a pejorative term.

:shock:

Up to ligan to consider, of course. However, there might at this rate be a strictly practical limit to how forward-thinking it is possible be and still be able to actually use any English vocabulary.
Before you use the word "XENOMORPH" again ... you need to read this article through:

https://www.wired.co.uk/article/aliens-throwaway-line-confusion
 
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Fenhorn
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Re: Early Access Feedback - Core Rulebook Chapter 5

Fri 17 Jun 2022, 22:26

Moderator Message: If you want to discuss things don't do it in the official feedback threads, start a new thread. Thanks.
“Thanks for noticin' me.” - Eeyore
 
gregory
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Re: Early Access Feedback - Core Rulebook Chapter 5

Fri 17 Jun 2022, 22:39

On page 126, the phrasing "I mean, if it's really so great up there..." seems out of step with the perspective of the rest of the prose. Who is "I" in this sentence? Is there intended to be some narrator? It implies an in-universe author and thus seems a strange turn of phrase for this book which otherwise seems to be written from a much more objective second-person perspective. Perhaps "After all, if it's really so great up there..." might be more neutral?
 
doc-t
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Re: Early Access Feedback - Core Rulebook Chapter 5

Sat 18 Jun 2022, 01:23

The last sentence of paragraph 4 on page 120 says "Sector 1" when it means to say "Sector 2." The second sentence of paragraph 5 on the same page repeats this mistake.
Also, paragraph 2 says "Section 1" where it should have been "Sector 1".
 
doc-t
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Re: Early Access Feedback - Core Rulebook Chapter 5

Sat 18 Jun 2022, 01:34

Page 096, "air so polluted that some people need masks just to breathe outdoors. Even on the few days when the city isn’t battered with bitter winds or sheets of rain and snow, you’d still need to drive two hours inland just to see the sun." and page 101, "The atmosphere in the city is so dense, drones can even project on the air itself." vs. page 108, "So ablaze with neon, you can see it like an electric bonfire from 1,000 feet up and miles away."

I don't get the vibe. Is the atmosphere very dense, can be used for projection, and people need masks to go out; or is it so thin, that neon lights can be seen from miles away? The description of the neon lights don't seem believable to me.
 
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Vader
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Location: The Frozen North

Re: Early Access Feedback - Core Rulebook Chapter 5

Sat 18 Jun 2022, 14:05

page 108, "So ablaze with neon, you can see it like an electric bonfire from 1,000 feet up and miles away."

The description of the neon lights don't seem believable to me.

Not to start a discussion (not what the thread is for); merely trying to offer a possible rationale for the p.108 description:

I would read that description as “light pollution on steroids” — the total emitted light from all the neon and other light sources making the atmosphere itself above the city glow so brightly you can see it miles away.


However, what I don’t understand is the “project on the air itself”.
Is this trying to rationalise free-floating holograms of some sort? In that case, it’s, I’m sorry to say, pure nonsense. Takes a lot more than a projector and particle-laden air to make a Princess Leia.
If it’s just laser effects and similar, sure — thick air makes those a lot more spectacular.
Could perhaps be made a bit clearer in the prose.
Before you use the word "XENOMORPH" again ... you need to read this article through:

https://www.wired.co.uk/article/aliens-throwaway-line-confusion

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