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Tomas
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The Electric State Alpha PDF Feedback - Chapters 1, 3, 4

Thu 11 Jan 2024, 14:58

Hi!

Please use this thread to post feedback and report any typos or errors in Chapters 1, 3 and 4 of the Alpha PDF for The Electric State RPG. Please note:
  • This is not the full game - the complete game will add three more chapters (2, 5 and 6) and expand chapter 7 a great deal. We estimate that the full game will have about twice the page count of the Alpha PDF.
  • All page references are still marked "xx" in the Alpha PDF. Please do not report this - we fill fix all page references once the layout of the full book is completed.
  • Before reporting an error, please check to see if it has already been reported. If so, don't report it again.
  • For feedback on Chapter 7 (Into the Dust), please us the thread in the GM Only section.
  • Please report your feedback no later than March 1.
Thank you!
Fria Ligan
 
Caleb
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu 11 Jan 2024, 15:03

Re: The Electric State Alpha PDF Feedback - Chapters 1, 3, 4

Thu 11 Jan 2024, 15:10

On page 4, in the last sentence before the gameplay example, “interiority of the self each of you answer this” it feels like there is a missing punctuation mark between “self” and “each”.
 
TableGuardian
Posts: 4
Joined: Thu 11 Jan 2024, 15:35

Re: The Electric State Alpha PDF Feedback - Chapters 1, 3, 4

Thu 11 Jan 2024, 15:36

On page 26, in the "Favorite '90s Song" table, the band Weezer's name is misspelled as "Wheezer" (item 62).
 
Caleb
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu 11 Jan 2024, 15:03

Re: The Electric State Alpha PDF Feedback - Chapters 1, 3, 4

Thu 11 Jan 2024, 15:43

Page 6, last sentence of the third paragraph; “deer in the headlights or Armageddon”. “Or” should be “of”.
 
Amraphel
Posts: 29
Joined: Sat 28 Nov 2020, 15:38

Re: The Electric State Alpha PDF Feedback - Chapters 1, 3, 4

Thu 11 Jan 2024, 17:23

Page 6, section STRANGE EVENTS, first sentence: "…suspect of serving…" should read "…suspected of serving…”
 
Amraphel
Posts: 29
Joined: Sat 28 Nov 2020, 15:38

Re: The Electric State Alpha PDF Feedback - Chapters 1, 3, 4

Thu 11 Jan 2024, 17:26

Page 7, section A LINGERING HOPE, final paragraph, final sentence reads “…you need to careful not to let the bliss inside drawn you…” but should read “…you need to be careful not to let the bliss inside draw you…”
 
TableGuardian
Posts: 4
Joined: Thu 11 Jan 2024, 15:35

Re: The Electric State Alpha PDF Feedback - Chapters 1, 3, 4

Thu 11 Jan 2024, 18:14

Page 20, under "Health and Hope", first paragraph, line 2. "They country’s dying" should likely be "The country's dying" or "Their country's dying."
 
ShiDra
Posts: 1
Joined: Thu 11 Jan 2024, 18:20

Re: The Electric State Alpha PDF Feedback - Chapters 1, 3, 4

Thu 11 Jan 2024, 18:22

Page 69, in the “Riding Animals” square, there is a typo and it reads “Riding Aminals” instead.
 
TableGuardian
Posts: 4
Joined: Thu 11 Jan 2024, 15:35

Re: The Electric State Alpha PDF Feedback - Chapters 1, 3, 4

Thu 11 Jan 2024, 18:23

Page 30, in the "Examples of Tension" box, under the example that starts "A secret." "Maybd you’ve built it up in your head." "Maybd" should be "Maybe".
 
exidor
Posts: 4
Joined: Thu 11 Jan 2024, 18:13

Re: The Electric State Alpha PDF Feedback - Chapters 1, 3, 4

Thu 11 Jan 2024, 18:47

Not sure if you're looking for grammar feedback as well as typos/spelling.

P4, paragraph 1: "Torn apart by a second civil war, all but a few Americans..." should be "Living in a country torn apart by a second civil war, all but a few Americans..." - the Americans themselves are not torn apart.

p4, paragraph 2: "Yet, full as are all the wonders of the virtual world..." is a weird construction. "Yet, as full of wonders as the virtual world is..." is better.

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