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I was on an Easter vacation so haven't been home. Put have taken a look at this now that I am home again.

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Player's Booklet

Trophy Hall - fixed.

Went through the talents one last time, thinking of these changes:

Nocturnal (Goblin kin talent), change to:
✥ RANK 2: When an enemy pick you as the target for an attack, and the attack does not target one of your allies within equal or closer range from the enemy, you may spend 1 WP to lure the ally into their line of attack. The ally then becomes the target of the attack and you can perform a free run action, even if the attacker was at arm’s length.
(Slightly inspired by the hero power "Ynkrygg" (I don't know the English name) from the Swedish version of Dragonbane)

Backstabber, very much improve it to this:
✥ RANK 1: When using a light melee weapon, you may use sleight of hand instead of melee to perform sneak attacks. Such sneak at-tacks ignore your victim’s armor.
✥ RANK 2: Your sleight of hand sneak attacks that inflicts at least one point of damage, makes your target unable to speak or run away during his upcoming round.
✥ RANK 3: Your sleight of hand sneak attacks that inflicts at least one point of damage, also becomes an opposed roll vs the targets endurance. On a failure, the target is automatically broken and suffers a critical injury. Monsters are immune.
✥ RANK 4: If an enemy within short range has one or more of your allies within arm’s length: all your attacks against them deal +1 damage.

Athlete, improved wording:
✥ RANK 2: When you run twice, or retreat and run, you may run one distance further.
If you successfully negate an attack by dodging and remain standing, you may at the same time retreat one zone, ignoring nearby enemies.

Brawler, it read: You may only make one such attack per turn. ...but should be round and not turn.

Dirty fighter, simplified to:
✥ RANK 4: You may use feint as a free action once per encounter (15-minutes).
✥ RANK 5: As rank 4, but you may use each variant of feint as a free action once per encounter (15-minutes). You cannot use more than one of these free feints per round.

Diver: Switched rank 2 and 3.

Hammer fighter, added round down, just to make it even more clear:
✥ RANK 4: Halve the targets rolled amount of armor, round down.

Alternative pain resistant changed to:
✥ RANK 1: Gain a +1 modifier to all Strength skill rolls when your Strength is damaged.

Warmblooded, improved slightly..
✥ RANK 4: You can add a D8 Artifact Die when you and your companion rolls to avoid becoming cold.
✥ RANK 5: Replace the D8 die with a D12 die.

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Gamemaster's Booklet:
Awesome feedback as usual! I think I fixed all of them. All your guesses where right

Also, in the table of contents, there are 2 additional encounters but they are not listed in the chapter. What's up with that?
- I wanted to add some of Klas Bas encounters, I initially translated those.. but since I couldn't ask him for permission (well I tried, but got no answer, he might not be as active anymore...), I removed them.

Up to page 105 now kind of done in GM's booklet.
Link to 1.9.22 versions.

Toot toot, proofread truck is here!

Expanded Monster Resources and Lore:
Chimera - Lore #3: "There hides" instead of "Their". Also there are 2 commas missing, should be: "Their hides can, if a Tanner is skilled enough, probably be used..."

Cyclops and a few other monsters give "Hardened Bones" - is there some clarification that these (I assume), when made into weapons, do not gain "brittle" property?

Demon - Lore #3: "...but tails also tell of... - should be "tales", not "tails".

Death Knights - Lore #1: "Death Knights, sometimes called a Liches..." - drop "a" from there, as Liches are plural. Also I think it should be clarified in "Resources" section that it is the skull of a Death Knight that you're writting about, and not anyone's skull.

Dire Wolf - Lore #1: "...and anything alive and can become hunted." - this sentence reads strange, maybe change this paragraph to:
"They are twice the size of regular wolves and their glowing red eyes scout for anything alive that can become it's prey."

Dwarves - Lore #1: "Dwarves are a short, strong and stubborn. - drop the "a", similar to Death Knights.

Goblins - Lore #2: To them the often reluctantly... - should be "they".

Harpies - Lore #1: I think you wanted it written as one big sentence? In that case, remove the dot and change it to: "...who appear in flocks all over the Forbidden Lands, since they...". If not, remove "Since they..." and change it to "Harpies gladly attack..."

Howler Rats - Lore #1 - Beginning of the first sentence, I think it should read: "...than average rats. They hunt and gather individually.... And later: "...communicating with howls, waiting until they have gathered... - remove "and waits".

Humans - Lore #3: Drop the first comma in the first sentence, to just read: "The Ailanders came as refugees...

Manticore - Lore #3: There should be 2 commas in the second sentence: "There (their*) hides can probably, if a Tanner is skilled enough, be used to make... - I also would suggest either moving "probably" before a Tanner bit or removing this word entirely.

Naga - Lore #1: Drop "like" in the first sentence, leave it as "depicted as giant snakes".

Nightwargs - Lore #3: "...although there are probably with risks involved." - I would replace "with" with "some", to read: "there are probably some risks involved".

Pikebeast - Resources: "...except that it is won't rust. - remove "is".

Sarcoptes - Resources: "Gain 2 mandibles that can be used as if Iron... - remove "if".

Sea Serpent - Lore #3: Oh my god I love this XD "Sea serpent meat is editable... - it is surely "edible" ;D

Smolderer - Lore #1: Missing dot: "...only been found in Asdhlands [dot here] "Their warm bodies..."

Troll - Lore #3: "...but if their hides are made into leather and first then exposed to sunlight..." - words are out of order, it should read "...into leather first, and then exposed..." Also, in resources, should it say what "rare minerals" one can extract from the troll dung? If it's up to the GM, maybe it should be written so?

Artifacts
Necklace of the Mad King - in the Drawback section, there is an empty parenthesis, I suspect there should be "Critical Injury Modifiers".


I just want to say, it is absolutely disgusting how whiners can be forcefully exploited to grow gold under it's skin... *shudders* - very in spirit of Rogues and Raiders Forbidden Lands' premise! Love it!

I will pick up next time from page 74. Sorry to slow down so much

Awesome finds as usual!

My daughter ended up in hospital yesterday, diagnosed with leukemia
So that caused a lot of emotions and took and will continue to take some time from me, as I will need to spend it in the hospital. If not for that I could probably have been done with the rest today.
So if the updates lag some, that will be why.
But please continue to proof read, I'll update it as soon as I can!
The doctors and nurses seemed like they knew what to do, so I think she at least has good chances of surviving it.

Edit: About the Whiners, yeah, my players instantly went into a "you deserve to die" mode when they found others that abused this.

Hey man, I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope your daughter gets well soon, and I wish you strength to go through this tough time <3

Starting at page 77:
Dullahan - Monster Attack #3: maybe it should be clarified which spell are you refering to when you write "count as a spell" - I assume you mean Stir the Blood from core Player's Book Blood Magic section?

Evil Eye - Monster Feature "Electrified": "An attack (...) with a melee weapon made only out of metal and/or leather... - leather isn't conductive in terms of electricity, is it? I think you should remove "or" from there, as weapon made of only leather should not damage the PC back.
Attack #5: I think the second part of a sentence is missing: "Can be parried, but if ["hit" missing here?] "with a metal weapon." - it probably should said the same thing as in Electrified feature above.

Howler Rats - same thing as I wrote in the last post in Lore #1 is needed in it's description on page 80.

Rust Beast - Monster Feature "Drawn to iron": "...throwing a sufficient large iron object passed it..." - "sufficient" should be "sufficiently" and "passed" should be "past".

Sirens - Description on page 83: "..to build a stronghold on the east cost of Ravenland. - should be "coast", you mean land near the sea.

Research
Bastions - Effect: Adds the ability for the ramparts to soak damage a second time, and first at the third time, they will be breached. - it reads kinda wonky. Maybe rewrite whole effect to this:
Improves the defensive value of the ramparts by 1. This means that ramparts need to be damaged a second time before they can be breached.

Dove Homing Room - can you explain in what way does this research differ from regular dovecote please?

Dwarven Mine Supports - maybe change "Raw Materials" from "100 wood, the Builder talent" to "the Builder talent, 100 units of material (see table below), to more directly indicate that different materials have better chances of stopping the colapse?

Feasting Hall - requirement: "Inn and at each PC..." - "at" is not needed here.

Paper Mill - "A mill that turns cloth, like old rags, into a vegetable fiber pulp" - what on Earth is "vegetable fiber pulp"? ;D Maybe just remove "vegetable" from there.

Silk Farm - effect: "During the Summer and Easter... - change "Easter" to "Spring".

Dedicated Temple Ideas - "The ability to attract is changed to only apply to certain groups, the is noted under “attract”." - should probably say: "...certain groups, which are noted under "attract"..."

Dedicated Temple Ideas:
Wail and Flow Priests: Should maybe be clarified that "Nature magic module" you are writting about is the new "Path of Nature" talent for druids?

Eor - "Moon goddess. Rituals during night time? Known as the eyes of Nightwalker." - I think something is missing from here? Or maybe it was just a draft sentence that never got edited?

Horn - Effect: Soldiers can be armed with fire munition - just to clarify, it's only used when attacking in a siege to inflict "arson events" to the enemy?

Meera - Priests: Yup, I agree Path of Elements is good fit for those.

Volitia - Priests: I see priests entry is missing here: maybe they could add some bonuses to the war room? Or maybe they could give it for free if it is not researched, since they value domination over others?


Okay, that would be it! I saw in your first posts that you wanted to remove Player Races section? I can understand that decision, I think I would remove them too, but I have to say, it would be extremaly intriguing to play as Misgrown!
Let me know if you need anything else!

Cyclops - changed from Hardened Bones to Hardened Bone. So that a search can find the effect, its under "New resources" page 14 & 17.
Dullahan - changed to "count as 1d6 power levels vs spell resistance". So that spell resistance can have some effect against certain monster effects, that is why I added that.
Evil Eye - Yes, my bad. Its just that all sword are using leather for their handle, but that will not be enough to protect them. I have improved the sentence.
Doves - slightly changed and added: Regular doves will just fly to their home and never to a moving target, they also need to be regularly traded between settlements, so that they can be sent back home.
Horn - it can be used for arson events, but also for destroying enemy siege weapons (like siege towers). Could be used with a defensive trebuchet as well? And maybe even ad hoc by reducing stealth from attacking goblins or so..? Note that all these ideas are just ideas I had, in in this case it was more of a ... I need to had something to them.. so if anyone has any better ideas, please do tell
Volitia - Added: PRIESTS: Depending on your setting, they could be shamanistic, perhaps with a rank in elementalism? At least the orcs of the Frostwind clan officially knows elementalism, so that could have spread?

I think I fixed everything else.

Link to 1.9.23 version of the Gamemaster's booklet.
Remaining work:

• NPC section in the Gamemaster's booklet (started, but much work is left to do here)
• Index and some missing graphics for the Gamemaster's booklet.
• Character sheet, should be updated to 2.0 - if you want specific improvements please do tell before I change - as it will be easier to fix all in one go.
• New kins, I'm moving these to a separate booklet. Will rewrite a lot here.
• Roll20 macros, see what needs to be updated to 2.0, perhaps the encounter tables?

Should be about 2 work days to complete the above? (although it could likely be more like weeks, since I need to spend most time with my kid)

Hey, how have you been, Johan? Quickly glanced at some rules today while prepping to use your overhaul in a campaign, noticed one more misspelling and got two questions about rules clarificaton:

Psychic Power talent in Player's Booklet, Rank 3: "...gain 1 Willpower Point of you are below Wits." - should be "if".
Also, can you explain how rank 2 in Psychic Power works? Why is it different and unique for a half-elf? I can't seem to grasp it's usefulness.

In "Short Break" module, in the first point in "Why Use This Module?" section, it says: "You can regain 4 in each attribute during a Quarter Day’s rest by taking a short break...".
You can't regain 4 Strength, for example, in one Quarter Day, right? As in: "Once per Quarter Day, you may now take a 15-minute short break." and "No attribute can be restored by more than 1 point during a short break.", as you said in mechanics' section of this module. Maybe it should be reworded, or you need to explain to me what am I missing

Home from two weeks at the hospital now. Most things are so far going as smooth as they can I guess? So I'm happy for that.

Link to 1.9.24. Changed Gamemaster's booklet from Alpha to Beta, as all sections are done.
Remaining work: Only the roll20 macros, done everything else. So I might release it as 2.0 in a week or so?

I rewrote the "More Playable Kins" section, and put it in its own appendix. I think it went kind of ok though, so thinking of adding it back to the Gamemaster's booklet. What do you think? Does it feel good enough?

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I also updated things based on your comments.

I rewrote rank 2 of Psychic Power. I dumped the magical mishap part, it was just confusing and it didn't add anything except unnecessary complexity. It is probably more powerful now too.
It main feature is to push rolls you normally aren't allowed to push. But it can now also be used to reroll 1s in rolls you are allowed to push, (previously it could save you from attribute and item damage by turning that into a magical mishap roll.. but I removed that part).
The changes might have made rerolling armor dice too powerful though. They kind of can almost double their armor with WP and then by doing so avoid a lot of armor damage. So I might need to revise this talent again.. will try to come up with something... :/
Perhaps 1s always cause the bad thing to happen, like degrading your armor, even if you manage to absorb all the damage. That could probably be a good way to go.

Short break:
"No attribute can be restored by more than 1 point during a short break." - yes, this is true.
I reworded it to this:
"You can still quickly regain your attributes. You can regain 4 in each attribute before a rest, by taking a short break just before taking a Quarter Day’s rest, taking another short break during said rest, and then starting the next Quarter Day with another short break, all at the cost of extra resource rolls"
Is it understandable now?
I.e. you can end your QD before the rest with a SB (heal 1), then rest for a QD (heal 1) + a SB during the rest (heal 1) + start the next QD with a SB (heal 1). Short breaks can be taken at any time during a QD.

New player races addon:
Moon Elf: "Since Vinhelm has Inner Peace, we know that Moon Elves also has that" - should be "have" because plural Elves.
Vasnian: "Since Konana has Unbreakable, we know that the Vasnians also has that... - should be "have" because plural Vasnians.
Ogre: - Resilient Talent rank 4 - it should maybe be clarified if it is only one additional Willpower point per push or one additional WP for every point of damage received from pushed rolls.
Misgrown: - "Most demons have an unusually high Wits/insight [that] would probably help you..." - "that" is missing?

I just wanna say, I fucking love what you have done with Misgrown! You, sir, are a gentleman and a scholar! Whether you decide to include it in Gamemaster's Booklet (I would!) or leave it separate, you've done an awesome job with those!

On Psychic Power:
Oh yeah, it is now MUCH more useful! I think it differentiates nicely with dwarf's talent by being able to push rolls once but even rerolling dice showing 1s, as opposite to dwarf's multiple pushing but being stuck with 1s already rolled. As of armor dice part, I don't see it as much of a problem - you still can and probably will roll 1s. I will leave it up to you, but I would honestly leave it as is, as it is really unique talent.

As of "Short break" break module:
What about rewording it to this:
"You can still quickly regain your attributes. In just 3 Quarters of Day you can regain 4 points in each attribute by taking a short break at the end of the first Quarter, taking another short break during said rest in the second Quarter, and then starting the third Quarter Day with another short break, all at the cost of extra resource rolls and with only one Rest journey action."
No offence to you, you've made this text a little bit sloppy, haha ;D
Also, I always chuckle when thinking about taking a "short break" from resting


One more question popped up, in "Missile Parry" Module in Player's Booklet, if you want to parry with a weapon and the shooter is within your reach, do you still need rank 2 weapon talent? Maybe little clarification would be in place?