Fri 02 Dec 2022, 08:33
BETA_221129 - Chapter 2 - Your Player Character
P9, 1st paragraph: Specify PC abbreviation at start, and use it throughout the document?
P9, 1st paragraph: Grammar error: replace "not try" with "try not"
P10, Adaptive Sidebar: Replace: "against" with "using"
P10, Names Sidebar: Unless there is a table for surname, than specifying first name is irrelevant
P10, Halfling Section: Replace: "humanoid creatures" with "humanoids", Creatures could have negative connotations
P10, Halfling Section: Reword: "That is why..." sentence with "From time to time, this desire can lead them to leave the safety of their homes in search of grand adventures."
P10, Halfling Section: Reword: "quickly" with "quick at"
P11, Dwarf Section: Grammar error: "metal as well as" should have a comma after metal
P11, Dwarf Section: Reword "feared" as it implies the dwarf warriors are fearful rather than others being fearful of them - "fierce" might make more sense
P12, Inner Peace Sidebar: Grammar error: "As an elf" should have a comma after elf
P12, Inner Peace Sidebar: Replace: "You then heal" with "You heal"
P12, Inner Peace Sidebar: Remove: "extra" from "a D6 extra WP"
P12, Mallard Section: Reword: "They have a knack for trade" sentence with "They have a knack for trade, and their agitated quacking is often an integral part of the soundscape around marketplaces and trade caravans"
P13, Wolfkin Section: Grammar error: "mercenaries or mystics" should have comma after mercenaries
P14, Profession Section: Replace: "what gear you start out with." with "your starting gear."
P16, Music Sidebar: Spacing variation in Music sidebar: Possibly fix by rewording "until your turn" with "until the start of your turn"
P17, Veteran Sidebar: Remove last sentence of Veteran sidebar: Not necessary - if needed, perhaps use brackets in the sentence before, such as replacing "drawing a new one." with "drawing a new one (see Rounds & Initiative in Chapter 4)."
P18, Hunter Section: 1st sentence doesn't make sense
P19, Knight Section: Formatting error: Should move image down so title isn't obscured - should move image to bottom right, Ability sidebar to top right, Gear to middle left, and nicknames to bottom left. Rough estimate would place the spear tip in the first paragraph text
P20, Magic Sidebar: Reword: "which then becomes one of your trained skills" implies that it is an additional/free trained skill rather than one that is chosen at character creation
P20, Magic Sidebar: Remove: "to start out with"
P23, Scholar Section: Grammar error: "expertise such as" should have comma after expertise
P24, Thief Section: "theft victims" doesn't sound right, should this be "their victims"?