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Re: The Electric State Alpha PDF Feedback - Chapters 1, 3, 4

Posted: Thu 11 Jan 2024, 19:49
by KnightOfLife
Page 25, second paragraph in the "Dream" section. The first line is "But you're Traveler."; it should be "But you're a Traveler."

ETA: page 30, in the "Examples of Tensions" box. In the 'A secret' example, one instance of 'maybe' was misspelled as 'maybd.'

Re: The Electric State Alpha PDF Feedback - Chapters 1, 3, 4

Posted: Thu 11 Jan 2024, 21:49
by PretenderJoe
Page 7, 3rd paragraph toward the end: "...but you need to careful not to let the bliss inside drawn you into the deep electric currents..."

Should read: "but you need to be careful not to let the bliss inside draw you into the deep electric currents" (added "be" and removed the "n" from draw)

Re: The Electric State Alpha PDF Feedback - Chapters 1, 3, 4

Posted: Thu 11 Jan 2024, 21:50
by Amraphel
Page 12, Drama, Horror & Personal Growth box, final paragraph, second sentence: “What happens on the road highlight and perhaps answer the questions…” should read “What happens on the road highlights and perhaps answers the questions…”

Re: The Electric State Alpha PDF Feedback - Chapters 1, 3, 4

Posted: Thu 11 Jan 2024, 22:03
by kutullu
Pg. 69.

"Horses and other riding animals also count as animals in these rules."

The second use of "animals" should probably be "vehicles" from the context?

Re: The Electric State Alpha PDF Feedback - Chapters 1, 3, 4

Posted: Thu 11 Jan 2024, 22:18
by PavukYaga
p.30.
"Distrust. Something someone one you Traveler with does offends you deeply. It disgusts you. It’s all you can do not to scream at them every time they do it."

I understand what is said, but the phrasing is weird, in my opinion

Re: The Electric State Alpha PDF Feedback - Chapters 1, 3, 4

Posted: Thu 11 Jan 2024, 22:23
by PretenderJoe
page 18, in the attribute section, the sentence "Your attributes can be increased during play" is repeated at the end of consecutive paragraphs.

Re: The Electric State Alpha PDF Feedback - Chapters 1, 3, 4

Posted: Thu 11 Jan 2024, 22:24
by exidor
p.30.
"Distrust. Something someone one you Traveler with does offends you deeply. It disgusts you. It’s all you can do not to scream at them every time they do it."

I understand what is said, but the phrasing is weird, in my opinion
"Something a fellow Traveler does offends you deeply"?

Re: The Electric State Alpha PDF Feedback - Chapters 1, 3, 4

Posted: Thu 11 Jan 2024, 22:27
by PretenderJoe
page 18, the description for the Empathy attribute currently reads: "It’s all the separates us from being no more than a drone ourselves."

should read: "It’s all that separates us from being no more than a drone ourselves."

Re: The Electric State Alpha PDF Feedback - Chapters 1, 3, 4

Posted: Fri 12 Jan 2024, 07:46
by Midgardsormr
page 8, under "Scenes":
"Something happens at location at a Stop,..."

Not entirely sure what the intent was. Maybe "Something happens at a location during a Stop,..."

Later in the paragraph:
"...such as walking to a diner, or going to the bathroom." Unnecessary comma. The two phrases are not independent clauses.

Re: The Electric State Alpha PDF Feedback - Chapters 1, 3, 4

Posted: Fri 12 Jan 2024, 17:26
by psullie
On the map of Pacifica, just north of Vandenburg AFB you have miss-spelled Morro Bay as Borro Bay