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Just a couple of things that feel a bit off reading it. Feels like there might be a word or so missing:

pg. 49 'The khokha-yarokha comes through the mouse hole at night and picks the tooth.' I feel there should be the word 'up' between 'picks' and 'the'.

pg. 9 I'm not sold 100% on this being a 'fault', I'm not an English language expert. However, in the sentence 'For example, people might throw some food behind to feed local spirits or gnomes, ...' I feel should probably be 'people might leave some food behind...' As 'throwing' it implies you're actively giving/passing over the food to the 'spirits' rather than actively leaving without taking the food with you so that the 'spirits' can feed on it. Though I could be wrong and this is a perfectly acceptable phrasing.

Just re-reading pg. 49 quote again, a better word to use instead of 'picks', should you not want to add a word, could also be 'takes'. The word 'picks' just on it's own implies that it's choosing a tooth, rather than taking a tooth, should that be what the quote is trying to say.

Mythic Carpathia feedback. Page 15, The History of Prague section. Second sentence is fractured.
"In the 18th century, when the Premyslid dynasty took over."
It should probably be a continuation of the previous sentence rather than a new one. Even then it's grammatically odd....

The first Slavs arrived in Prague in the early 6th century, displacing Celtic settlers. In the 8th century, when the Přemyslid dynasty took over.

I would like to see a revision of some of the way the art is sized, and layout is done in vaesen section.

When referencing at the table it is important to be able to see the whole vaesen entry on opposing pages, rather than having to flip a page.

You other books use the opposing pages format - it is jarring to see it different in this book.

...
- You put in Vampire Hunter that a dark secret is that they are Dhampir, so there should be some guidance as to how that would work in a PC especially around magic

^This^

The Dhampir has powers listed in their vaesen entry that would make them significantly more powerful than other PC's.

You should save yourself some hassle, remove it, and put in a different dark secret suggestion...

I would love to start seeing rough estimates of how long the mysteries might take to play. I understand every group is different, etc, but still a ballpark gives us a sense of what the feel of the mystery is intended to be. Generally, I like to move my players along, but now moving into something like Carpathia, I feel a bit of advice would be helpful.

Firstly, what a marvellous source book for Vaesen, thank you!

I was wondering if the formatting of the Vaesen of Carpathia chapter might be altered to be more useful at the table. As it is, most vaesen are split over two pages, which requires the page to be turned. I liked that the original book had it's vaesen on a double page spread - really easy to use at the table, or on my desk when I'm playing online.

On p63, the phrase 'committed suicide' is used in the first paragraph. This language stems from a time when suicide was a crime, but these days we tend toward 'died by suicide', removing the criminal suggestion from the act. A small point, but perhaps this can be worded to be more sensitive?

I'm only on page 88. Here are the issues I've found so far:

Page 15: "In the 8th century, when the Přemyslid dynasty took over." This is a sentence fragment. Remove "when".

Page 15: "Right next to the church, rises the Prague Castle – according to some, the largest castle in the world in terms of surface area." The first comma, after "church," is unnecessary. Perhaps if the word order was switched to "Right next to the church, Prague Castle rises..." then this would be fine.

Page 25: "The members of Pravda knew, however, that the victories were not due to a mythical devil but to well-known (to them) rational beings who appeared among the ranks of the Hussites to prevent the Inquisition from developing in Europe." What does this mean? I assume it is a reference to vaesen, but does this mean that the vaesen were actively engaged in fighting the Catholic Inquisition? This feels like a major idea that needs to be developed.

Page 49: "The khokha-yarokha comes through the mouse hole at night and picks the tooth." "Picks" should be "picks up" or "collects" or the like.

Page 87: "If seen, warn them against going into the dungeons below..." "Warn" should be "he will warn".

I would like to see a revision of some of the way the art is sized, and layout is done in vaesen section.

When referencing at the table it is important to be able to see the whole vaesen entry on opposing pages, rather than having to flip a page.

You other books use the opposing pages format - it is jarring to see it different in this book.

Layout guy here.

Believe me, I tried. I would have loved for each vaesen to have its own spread. But for this book it just wasn’t possible – since a lot of the vaesen entries are much longer than in previous books.

Take the Golem, for example: Just the text takes up two whole pages. There’s really no way for me to fit that and the art on a single spread.

But I think what I came up with (when I wasn’t able to fit the vaesen on a single spread) is the next best thing.
1. Only one vaesen illustration per spread (so you know that the text and art belong to the same vaesen).
2. The illustration must be on the same page, or spread, as text about that vaesen (for the same reason as above).
3. The game stat boxes must be kept together on a single page (so you don’t have to flip pages in the middle of a conflict).

And I think that was the best I could do during these circumstances.

Overall, I'd say that the language is this book does not flow as well as in previous Vaesen books. I'm not sure if that's the result of a different translator or some other factor. So a lot of the suggestions below are style suggestions, rather than rules.

Page 89: "This year, celebrations start in the evening after theplayer characters’ arrival at the village." "in the evening" reads poorly here, because evening is modified by after the characters' arrive. On its own, yes, celebrations start in the evening. But once you modify "evening," then I'd remove "in" and just have "celebrations start the evening after the player characters' arrival..."
Page 89: "The valley’s residents prepare for the celebration weeks before the day." Style-wise, I'd say, "The valley's residents start preparing for the celebration weeks in advance." "Weeks before they day" sounds... weird.
Page 89: "They also twist red cords and bindthem in tassels that they adorn with small bronzebells, to decorate their costumes with." Again, style-wise, this reads weird because you have "adorn" and "decorate" in the same sentence. Maybe flip it around: "They further decorate those costumes with twisted red cords, bound in tassels adorned with small bronze bells."
Page 92: "This was part of Maria’splan of course (page XXX)." There should be a comma after "plan," so that it reads, "This was part of Maria's plan, of course..."
Page 92: "During the day, thetroupe are busy preparing for their performances..." "Troupe" is a collective noun, so it should read "the troupe is busy..."
Page 92: "The troupe are happyto interact with the player characters..." Same as above, "The troupe is happy..."
Page 92: "She willnot reveal the truth until the final Confrontationhowever (page XXX)." "However" needs to be set off with a comma. The best phrasing would be to move it to the beginning of the sentence: "However, she will not reveal the truth..."
Page 93: "The former director could notrefuse as they all heard rumors that the woman’sfamily was killed in their home by a bear." Should be pluperfect: "...the woman's family had been killed in their home..."
Page 93: "Largely, despitetheir supernatural talents, they are destined toinevitably die in their thirties or forties." This sentence reads very poorly, both because "largely" is set off, and because "destined to" and "inevitably" are used together. Better would be, "Despitetheir supernatural talents, they are mostly destined to die in their thirties or forties."
Page 95: "...may make an OBSERVATION test to spot a very thin, magical thread fromthe beast’s back to Maria’s yarn spindle, wherevershe is..." There needs to be a verb describing the thread, maybe "stretching": "...to spot a very thin, magical thread stretching from the beast's back..."
Page 96: "If they attack Maria, however, Eve will furiously attack them and defendher mother. However, if told the truth about thebeast, Maria and the knez, she may be reasonedwith..." Having "however" in two sentences in a row isn't great. I would delete the first one, so that it reads, "If they attack Maria, Eve will furiously..."
Page 97: "They mightfor example:" This reads poorly. Switch it to, "For example, they might:"
Page 97: "Try to make peace between the knez and Eve. Thisis difficult but not impossible (MANIPULATION rollwith −2 with bonuses for relevant evidence andinformation, such as revealing that Eve is a dhampir destined for unlife). What does this rule describe? What is "-2," the number of dice? How about "Challenging MANIPULATION roll, with extra dice awarded for relevant evidence and information..."
Page 97: "However, if no longer under the control of Maria’s yarn spindle, if the beast is Broken asecond time, it will disappear into the night." Two "if"s in a row like that reads poorly. Best to put an "and" in there. "...if no longer under the control of Maria's yarn spindle and if the beast is Broken a second time..."
Page 100: "The first building erected at the location was amonastery of the Bridgettine order..." I wouldn't use "monastery" interchangeably with "convent." I'd replace all instances of "monastery" in this paragraph with "convent."
Page 100: "The vykhrovyk realized that the murderer was hidden from her sight." I'd add a "meanwhile" to the beginning of the sentence, to help this read more smoothly: "Meanwhile, the vykhrovyk realized..."
Page 107: "With an OBSERVATIONroll, it is evident when a prisoner is lying,perhaps to the point that they have startedto believe their own lies." This doesn't make sense. If they believe their own lies to be true, then how would it be obvious that a prisoner is lying?
Page 108: "If the rest of the prison shows some signs of amodern influence, this place looks as if time omits itentirely." I'm not sure that I'd use "omits" here. Maybe "ignores?"
Page 109: "It ishis interpretation that explains the vykhrovyk’sactions as the Angel of Justice’s warnings tosinners..." The beginning of this sentence reads poorly. Perhaps "He interprets the vykhrovyk's actions as..."
Page 108 and 110: Page 108 says, "There are two entries on OlhaKobzar..." However, on page 110, the second entry doesn't mention Olha by name.
Page 111: "Staying within the belltower for more than a short scene requires a successful FORCE test – otherwise, the player charactergets a Condition (physical or mental) and needsto go down to warm up." In normal Vaesen rules, if the test was a FORCE test, the condition is required to be physical.
Page 111: "...the player characters must pass a MANIPULATION test with a difficulty equal to 1 plus thenumber of countdown steps (page XXX) thathave already passed." What is the "difficulty?" Is that the number of successes needed? If so, it would be better to say, "...characters must test MANIPULATION and get at least one success, plus another success for each countdown step that has already passed."
Page 112: "To temporarilycalm the vaesen and be able to communicate withher, they need to get a mistletoe plant or branchand bring it to Olha’s grave." On page 111, the player characters only need to succeed on a MANIPULATION test. Which is it? Upon further reading, I realize that this can only happen at Olha's grave, not in the bell tower. That should be made more clear here.
Page 112: "...bring a random person – such as thechaplain or some prisoner – to face vykhrovyk’sjustice in the courtyard." It should be "to face the vykhrovyk's justice..."