I hope it's Ok, but I've extracted the useful submissions you made into a non-mangled version. It's not great since the bbcode isn't working properly for tables but I would hate to see your hard work wasted.
# Place Comment
1 P5 par3 rivalling factions -> rival factions
2 P5 par3 djinni, and -> djinni and
3 P8 H “UNRAVEL SECRETS” And what did really happen ->What really happened
4 Throughout Since the Dark Between the Stars is a proper noun between should be capitalised.
5 P10 H “THE DARK BETWEEN THE STARS” Time now: the Dark -> time: now the Dark
6 Ditto the Dark between the Stars play -> the Dark between the Stars plays
7 P10 H “THREE TIPS FOR INSPIRATION”, bp2 These book -> These books
8 P10 H “THREE TIPS FOR INSPIRATION”, bp3 fits perfect with world-> fits perfectly with the world
9 P11 “CHARACTER AND SHIP SHEETS” A character sheet can befound at the back of this book for you to make copies of, andon the Free League website. The website also provides freedownloads of character sheets. -> A character sheet is provided at the back of the book and can be downloaded from the Free League website (http://www.freeleaguepublishing.com
). You are free to copy these for non-commercial purposes.
10 P11 H “DICE” darkness -> Darkness (if this is the Darkness Between the Stars, other similar usages later)
11 P11 H “MAPS AND PLANS” Detailed ship plans a no longer in Chapter 7 but are collected at the end of the book.
12 P11 H “THE PORTALS” Colonization of the First to Third Horizons implies an Empire and the comment below about the First Horizon wanting to reclaim the systems that had freed themselves implies some declarations of independence (Presumably the First Horizon is Earth and the surrounding systems). This section should probably briefly explain the Empire and the succession of some systems or that this information is lost.
13 P15 Nothing that anyone -> something that no one (unless the use is deliberate for effect)
14 P16 “THE GROUP” The list of group concepts should be in the same order as the description of group concepts below for consistency.
15 P16 H “NEGOTIATOR (PEDDLER) My be worth explaining that birr is the unit of currency here.
16 P20 H “THE EXPLORERS’ PATRON/NEMESIS” darBhouno -> dar Bhouno / Dar Bhouno / Dār al-bhouno (possibly)
17 P21 H “THE PLAYER CHARACTER” par1 It is through her you -> It is through her that you
18 P21 H “THE PLAYER CHARACTER” list The numbers continue from those on the group concept list. These may be better starting from 1 again. Or you could include a note that the stages of group character and ship set—up are numbered consecutively.
19 P23 H “REPUTATION” … humanite your reputation is lowered (see above) – Why not just say your reputation is halved?
20 P23-P24 Unfortunate that the list of attributes will be over the page from most of the section on attributes. Maybe this could be in the side bar on p23.
21 P25 H “SKILLS” par1 better. skills -> better. Skills
22 P25 H “TALENTS” par2 three talents at the start -> at least three talents at the start
23 P26 par1 table 2.6 -> Table 2.5
24 P27 H “GEAR” May be worth noting that not all gear is tangible (standing reservation at Alkmaar’s) and that some may require other options to be chosen in character creation.
25 throughout A number of terms are used such as tarrab. I am not sure if this is specific to the game universe or related to the Arabic usually rendered as tarab (an ecstatic emotional response to music that does not seem to translate well). If these are important in game terms definitions would be useful. I don’t think I can find enough about what a tarrab is to portray one as a PC.
26 throughout Some note on names might be useful. Are names gender specific, applicable to two genders by changing spelling (e.g. adding a suffix), cross gender, or some combination? Do individuals have personal names and family names? Are names given as a result of achievements or roles? The names given suggest both. Is this like a Russian novel where the same person is referred to by different names at different times by different people?
27 P31 H “GEAR” Beautiful (BIO) is listed as both a talent and as gear. Since this requires both XP and birr to obtain, I think it must be purchased in both places. If so this may need more explanation here (this is explained on p68).
28 Ditto The Memoirs of Mazelman, seems quite specific, but I can find no explanation of it. Some guidance on possible in-game effect might be useful.
29 P55 “THE ART OF FAILING” There seems no reason to refer to p55 if this remains on p55.
30 P75 “PHEROMONES” The receive pheromones does not seem to be relevant to the effect. Might it be necessary to detect odours from those being manipulated? Is it possible to use the pheromones as a covert communication with others with the talent?
31 P75 “HUMANITE TALENTS” Given the rules devoted to humanites and the note that they are adapted to specific environments, I am surprised there are not more humanite talents. Possibilities might include selective adhesion to obstacles to ease movement in low G, adaptations specifically to improve oxygen utilisation for low pressure environments, extended sensory ranges, etc..
32 P82 par1 rivalling powers -> rival powers
33 P82, H “TURNS AND INITIATIVE” A sneak attack will occur before the initiative roll and perhaps should be mentioned here.
34 P82 H “RAISING INITIATIVE” Initiative seems to use a different mechanism to other rolls. Normally a +1 to a roll would add an extra die to the roll. With initiative a single die is rolled (except in 2 specific circumstances) and a +1 would add to the result on a single die. May be worth explicitly stating this is different to other rolls. An initiative system more like that used in space combat might be better if it wasn’t cumbersome with so many people rolling.
35 Ditto Should mention Accelerated Reflexes as well as Combat Veteran.
36 P83 H “FAST ACTIONS” Some of the fast actions such as getting into a vehicle and starting a vehicle seem of longer duration than some of the normal actions.
37 P84 H “BATTLE MAPS” The battle maps are noted as being on the Modiphius website and the character sheet as on the Free League website. They should both be on the same website (ideally both).
38 P85 par1-4 Are some of these reductions cumulative?
39 P85 H “SNEAK ATTACKS AND AMBUSHES” Sneak attacks allows a single normal action. Ambushes are a special type of sneak attack. An aimed shot is a long action and hence can’t be carried out as a sneak attack and yet this is a very common form of ambush.
40 Ditto Surprise seems out of place in this section since it is a different mechanism.
41 Ditto The whole section might be better before the initiative section.
42 P85 H “MELEE COMBAT” There could be some confusing between being in close combat and using the Melee Combat skill. I think this is clarified in the later Ranged Combat section where it is clear you can use the Ranged Combat skill at close range but with a significant minus.
43 P86 H “BONUS EFFECTS” With most skills 2 6s is labelled as a limited success, with combat the second 6 gets a bonus success. Maybe 3 levels of success could be distinguished: limited, normal and critical – even if normal success normally conferred no advantage.
44 P87 H “DEFENDING” Some of the defending effects seem very powerful – this may give the right effect since they will only be available to NPCs on expenditure of a DP.
45 P89 H “RELOADING” primitive firearms like long rifles, bows, and rocket launchers -> primitive ranged weapons such as long rifles, bows and rocket launchers
46 P92 H “BROKEN OVERWATCH” Unfortunate that this subsection is separated from the rest of the material on overwatch.
47 P93 par1 The exact relationship between successes in attack, damage, armour, cover and critical hits needs careful consideration and the two examples seem to conflict. If I a PC has good armour and cover they will be unlikely to take damage since 8s expended in damage can be rolled against. Additional hits used as suppression can’t be rolled against and this seems reasonable. However the second example seems to imply that the 8 dice can be rolled however attack successes are used. Some weapons only require 1 extra 6 to cause a Critical Injury and the armour and cover do not seem to offer protection against this which seems odd. The rule critical damage in for space combat on p171 says that armour can prevent critical damage – but only if the normal damage is reduced to zero – this seems a sensible route to follow.
48 P93 H “First Aid” The medical equipment … (see below) -> The medical equipment … (Table 5.5 below)
49 Throughout Armor -> armour (armor is US spelling)
50 Throughout centered -> centred
51 P104 H “PORTAL BUILDER TECHNOLOGY” are available, but very expensive -> are available and they are very expensive
52 P104 H “GEAR” contain costs, and the -> contain the costs and weights
53 P105 par1 monthly cost. -> monthly cost (Table 6.1).
54 P113 H “SPIDER DOCTOR” A spider doctor gives no Medicury bonus, but contains trauma kit which would normally give a +3 bonus. I think this would give the spider doctor its 3 Medicurgy. If the kit is out of trauma doses would this drop to 0.
55 P114 Presumably the workshops contain tools of the relevant tech level. Presumably the bonus for Advanced tools is included in the advanced workshop bonus.
56 P117 H “PRESSURE TENT” If the tent absorbs some oxygen … atmosphere, harmful-> The tent can absorb some oxygen … atmosphere and harmful SURVIVAL MASK has similar issue.
57 P119 H “NESTERA’S GRAV BELT” “ The scene where the dancer …”. Sentence re-used on p231
58 P122 Table 6.9 Primitive reloads seem unduly heavy. A strength 5 character with a long rifle could only carry 18 rounds and then if carrying nothing else. If reloads came in lots of 5 or 10 at light this would seem more reasonable.
59 P125 H “EXPLOSIVES” buildinga -> buildings
60 P128 “MELEE WEAPONS” Image at top of section seems to be some form of ranged weapon (a Saladin Grape Gun?).
61 P131 “Light armour” standards uniform -> standard uniform
62 P138 H “STAR TRAVEL IN THIRD HORIZON” Calculating travel time based on the shortest distance between planets is a useful simplification, but rather inaccurate.
63 P138 “TRAVEL BETWEEN SYSTEMS” The day preparing for a jump is usually spent waiting for a convoy to arrive and yet even heavily trafficked routes only see 1-2 convoys a week.
64 Throughout The use of segments as a measure of time and as an arbitrary unit of distance in space combat could cause confusion.
65 P140 Table 7.2 D6 months -> D6 segments
66 P142 Table 7.4 I am not sure what plans the asterisks on this table refer to. Plans are included at the back for the Courier Ship, Light Freighter, Salvage Ship and Attack Ship (should this be Assault Ship?).
67 P142 H “TYPE AND CLASS” page 158 -> page 158 onwards
68 P144 “MODULES” Although the reactor and graviton projector are listed as a required modules, they are not necessary if the ship has antimatter rockets which occupies 1 module instead of 2.
69 P148 TORPEDO AND MINE SYSTEM -> TORPEDO AND MINE SYSTEM (O)
70 P151 Enables salvaging -> Enables salvaging using a mining station
71 P155 H “SERVICE AND MAINTENANCE” par2 Service you ship -> service your ship
72 P162 “DISTANCE AND SEGMENTS” The space combat map is not in the back of the book. Our website is ambiguous: Free League or Modiphius? (Also p163 GAME AIDS, p164 SPACE COMBAT MAP says Free League website.)
73 P165 H “INITIATIVE” It is a shame initiative in space combat is different from that in ground combat, but this does seem better.
74 P166 H “TURN PHASES” par2 crew members on a certain position -> crew members in a certain position
75 P167 H 2, ENGINEER PHASE” phase in the turns -> phase in the turn
76 P169 H “4 SENSOR PHASE” No mention of analysing the ship of a meme attack as an option.
76 P169 “Pulse and Meme Attacks” page 169 -> page 149 (?)
77 P172 Table 7.16 Probably should say for 12 REACTOR / ANTIMATTER ROCKETS DETONATION. Should a 9 on a ship with antimatter rockets also result in a detonation, or should it stop manoeuvring or have no effect?
78 P173 H “TURN 1 – engineer phase” None of the engineers -> Neither of the engineers
79 P179 ASTRONICAL?
80 P180 H “THE HISTORY OF HORIZON” The portal wars finished just over a hundred years ago. Since then there has been an age of darkness, the travels of the Zenithians around the Third Horizon, the construction of Coriolis, decades for the Syndicate to own almost the entire Guard and the creation of the Judicators. There does not seem long enough for all of this to happen.
81 P183 H “THE FOUNDING OF CORIOLIS” to bring with them -> to take with them
82 P196 par2 fleets from the First Horizon was about -> fleets from the First Horizon were about
83 P196 par3 any other who -> any others who
84 P196 H “LEGION ORGANIZATION” par2 through their memberships -> through their membership
85 P200 par2 The two groups both control a few key institutions within the faction each. -> The two groups each control a few key institutions within the faction.
86 P202 par1 Air of mysteries -> air of mystery
87 P203 par3 The exact role of the spokesperson is unclear. - implies that Mandragor Ho is the spokesperson, but this is nowhere stated.
88 P204 par1 dead today but their religious -> dead today and their religious
89 Ditto During a live Bulletin broadcast in CC 49, the nine sacred rites were put in writing in the Icon City on Mira, where they originally grew into a faction to begin with, during the darkness of the Long Night after the end of the war. – this is written as if the 9 sacred rites grew into the faction, when presumably it is was the people practicing the rites who became the faction. CC 49 suggests 49 years after the founding of Coriolis, which suggests Coriolis is now over 50 years (Coriolis Cycles) old. A timeline diagram would be useful.
90 P208 H “THE MARTYRS” par1 concern for their own live -> concern for their own lives
91 P208 H “THE MARTYRS” par2 certain amount fear -> certain amount of fear
93 P211 H “THE MIGHTY FLEET” controls the by far largest fleet -> controls by far the largest fleet
92 P228 H “TERMINALS AND THE NET” O n Coriolis -> On Coriolis
94 P229 H “INTELLIGENCES AND THE NET” This w orries some -> This worries some
95 P229 H “THE BULLETIN’S COM BASE” with the latter working even in sys- ?
96 P230 H “MUSIC AND SONG” mastered almost only by -> mastered almost solely by
97 P232 H “CALENDAR” P248 Coriolis Cycle 336 days with 3 triads each of 3 segments. The segments are 37 days and after each segment there is an extended rest period and after each triad a special holiday is celebrated. Here the end of triad holidays are noted as 1 day long and there is no mention of the extended rest period. Would be useful to give the lengths of the different time periods here. A diagram with lengths would be useful.
98 P234 H “THE GAMBLER” one incarnate -> one incarnation
99 P237 H “THE FACELESS ONE” taking away object from -> taking away objects from
100 P238 H “THE BLESSING” New year or cycle -> cycle (unless the intention is that blessings are offered at the start of a new year where the believer is as well as the start of the cycle.)
101 P239 H “ICON WALLS AND RELIQUARIES” gift or offerings -> gift or offerings
102 P242 H “ICONOSCOPES AND PROPHECIES” Arithmetic is the branch of mathematics concerned with calculations and is a legitimate “science”. Better to use a word such as numerology for divination using numbers.
103 P248 “Calendar” How long is the extended rest period? Why is it necessary to the calendar.
104 P248 “Governance” The idea that taxes are optional needs further exploration. I presume this only refers to direct taxation and that some forms of inevitable indirect taxation / payment for services such as docking fees, VAT, air water and power fees exist.
105 P248-9 “TIMELINE” This is a very useful timeline. It could be usefully referenced from some of the earlier material.
106 P252 Text could do with being more prominent, the small text looks out of place on the imposing image.
107 P253 Table 11.1 This and the similar later are interesting tables, but really only a limited set of examples.
108 P260 par1 only exception in the otherwise -> only exception to the otherwise
109 P260 H “PREACHERS AND PROPHETS” only five of them, … has access -> only five of them, … have access
110 P262 H “THE UNIVERSITY DISTRICT” Bulletin’s giant Infotheca -> Foundation’s giant Infotheca(?)
111 P268 “THE GUARD’S WAY” This should probably be THE GUARDS’ WAY. The others similarly except for THE SYNDICATE’S WAY.
112 Ditto contacts on the Guard -> contacts in the Guard
113 P271 par1 rely on the Net make sure -> rely on the Net to make sure (probably)
114 P272 Curious that the Cellare, essentially abandoned is the largest part of Coriolis. Given that Coriolis has been built in the last 70 years with considerable effort, why is the largest part essentially a lawless waste?
115 P272 “GOVERNOR KEMEL DARGOSIAN” the Consortium’s biddings -> the Consortium’s bidding
116 P272 “THE COUNCIL OF FACTIONS” follow to voice -> follow the voice
117 P272 “THE POPULAR ASSEMBLY” complete opposite effect -> completely opposite effect
118 P274 “CRIME IN THE MULUKHAD” family who is -> family which is
119 P277 “HOLIDAYS AND FESTIVALS” grow long already during ->already grow long during
120 P280 par2 that is growing stronger -> that grows stronger
121 P280-281 Might be useful if Chapter 12 also gave the furthest distances from the planet to the star for the Kua system.
122 P282 “NIGHT AND DAY” Temperature in the Northern half of the planet is stated to be “between 50 and 100 degrees Celsius. This would not support the massive glaciers in the farthest North. I would imagine average temperatures in the Northern hemisphere would vary between 100⁰ somewhere below freezing (glaciers need an average temperature below 0⁰ to form). I wonder if such a planet would have massive winds driven by the extreme difference in heating.
123 P290 The text in the descriptive boxes is very small.
124 P293 “THE FOUNDATION’S STATION increased manifold -> increased many times.
125 P293 “INDEPENDENT MINING …” Lana the cook, and cantina owner and Xoo, -> Lana the cook and cantina owner, and Xoo,
126 P294 “ANIALAH’S PHILOSOPHER” Adjani -> Adjkani
127 P297 “KUAN EXPANSION” Thalus Base?
128 P300 “ASTROGRAPHY” “Some systems see traffic only by way of the portals.” I thought all inter-system traffic is by way of the portals. If the intention is to show that some systems only see traffic transiting through portals to other systems (i.e. they are not themselves destinations, this should be clearer.
129 P300 “THE PORTAL JUMP” par2 “or piggybacking on another ship” – this implies the piggybacking is dangerous and illegal, p139 implies it is common practice with Bulk Carriers. I think only solo-jumping with your own coordinates is illegal. P139 implies that a reasonable pilot can match vectors with a Bulk Carrier and this is acceptable.
130 Ditto THE PORTALS implies that there is no risk of collision in using the portals, this suggests poor calculation makes it possible.
131 P301 I think the Planets could do with more explanation. I think for Aiwaz we have Aiwaz A with 3 normal planets and a gas giant and Aiwaz B with 5 normal planets, an asteroid belt and a gas giant. But this would make Kua a 4AG which it is not here.
132 Ditto The stars of the Algol system are actually much closer together, although these may not be the same stars we know as Algol.
133 Ditto Other important locations might usefully be added; for example the Empty Portal at Menkar.
134 P302 “NAMING STANDARDS” inter-system portals -> intra-system portals
135 P302 A reference to a map showing which systems are on which route would be useful.
136 P302 “THE MIRAN CHAIN” According to p184 all traffic through the Zalos system is currently stopped. Here it is implied the system is still open.
137 P303 “ALGOL” “As the stars are white, only Algol-Persei space contains habitable worlds” – this does not follow Sol is white, planets orbiting single white stars can be habitable.
138 P313 “YASTAPOL” given name to -> given their name to
139 P319 “AGILITY” ventilation shaft -> ventilation shafts
140 P319 The beasts do not have Wits and Empathy and hence MP. This presumably makes them immune to effects that reduce MPs. This should be slatted.
141 P320 P290 Azaëlean tunnels are described as “under the surface”. Here they seem to be paths smashed through the lower levels of the jungle.
142 P321 “DIRHAD” “internal cooling system” – not really internal, but then external seems wrong too.
143 P322 “LAMKA LIZARDS” are carnivores but -> will attack human sized prey but
144 P325 The comments about the Darkness Between the Stars warping parts of the First Horizon is interesting, but I is it likely to be relevant?
145 P327 “DARKBOUND” There should be a mystic powers value for this beast.
146 Ditto MYSTIC POWER -> MYSTIC POWERS
147 P333 “BLOOD FIEND” The origin is a little confused. There seems to have been an unsuccessful attempt to create a weapon and then human bio code was used for a second attempt. This might be better as: “The blood fiend is a bionic war beast designed by NimaBionics for the Legion as a substitute for the unruly nekatra. Origianlly biocode from nekatra, dirhad, nahang and baboon was also used. The sculpt was unsuccessful, and instead, NimaBionics chose human bio code was chosen as the source of the beast that would become the blood fiends. This breached the bioethical code.”
148 P333 “DJANNA” feed of the -> feed off the
149 P335 “DJINN” whirlwin d -> whirlwind
150 P335 “EFRITE” Some guidance on the cost in DPs of the use of mystical powers would be useful. N p64 states that each time a PC uses a mystic power it generates 1 DP, and this might be a reasonable cost but some mystic power like effects cost multiple DPs.
151 P336 “BOKOR” cadavers’ -> cadaver’s
152 P336 “HAZARED” par2 Probably best that all references are to a Hazared rather the specific lonely madman.
152 p337 “COMPULSION” a specific in -> a specific action in
153 P337 “THE DARS’ CURSE” The think the Earth wound should be the Wound.
154 P343 “NON-PLAYER CHARACTERS” both ion storms -> ion storms
155 P343 Table 15.1 Mystic powers -> Mystic Powers Melee combat -> Melee Combat
156 P344 “THE DARK BETWEEN THE STARS IN THE GAME” A PC activates a mystic power: a varying amount of DP – p64 states that the GM receives 1 DP when a player activates a mystic power.
157 Ditto The scenario here gives the GM 4 DPs at the beginning. This is another source of DPs and useful to build a sense of threat.
157 P344 The Big Black should probably be capitalised as a proper noun. This is not defined but may to refer to space as it is travelled through without portal jumps, hence “beyond the big black”. Far out in the big black might be beyond the outer planets of a star. This source of DPs is well explained in “SPACE TRAVEL AND DARKNESS POINTS”. Maybe the “depths of space” here should be “depths of space (the Big Black).
158 P346 Table 15.2 The difficult -> The difficulty (3 occurrences).
159 P347 “THE BEGINNING OF THE SCENARIO” Dancer and that -> Dancer and say that
160 P350 “EPILOGUE” the PCs manages to -> the PCs manage to
161 Ditto make up your scenario -> make up your own scenario
162 Ditto This section should probably reference the artefact description on p356.
163 P351 “THE SOGOI VILLAGE” Excavation site 9 -> Excavation Site 9
164 P356 “ZHAR BAGHRA’S ARTIFACT” course of few weeks -> course of a few weeks
165 P357 “ANTEROOM” The lower part of one line cut off in the PDF (carried across to the title of KITCHEN).
166 P359 par1 selective dementia -> selective memory
167 General There are many terms in Coriolis which are unfamiliar to many people, or which have been coined for the game. A glossary would be useful
168 General Although there are a small number of books films and TV series listed early in the book, a bibliography of works that might be inspirational would be useful.
169 Sheets and Plans Having page numbers on the character and ship sheets and ship layout plans would make them easier to reference.
170 Character Sheet The character sheet is clear and well laid out but has insufficient room for talents.
171 Spaceship Sheet Would be useful if this had space for ship’s starting cost since this will be needed to add features later, and also the amount owed on the ship.
172 Ship Floor Plans The layout with one or two level plans above the introduction and artist’s impression is slightly confusing. Having the artist’s impression and introduction first would be better.
173 Ditto The level plans are in a strange order: Azuk: 1, 4, 3, 2 Kamruk: 2, 1, 6, 5, 4, 3 (much space above 4 and none below) Scarab: 4, 1, 2, 3 (3 given as VÅNING) Oryx: 4, 1, 2, 3 (2 & 3 given as VÅNING) Azandra: 6, 5, 1, 2, 3, 4
174 SPACE STATION, AZANDRA spacious layout and and large -> spacious layout and large